C) Coping strategies

The following are coping strategies that are timeless and apply to all people.

1. Set priorities.

Follow the 80/20 rule. 80% of the value of something comes from 20% of its elements. For instance, 80% of what you value usually comes from 20% of what you do, so prioritize your activities and work on the top 20% first. Consider what is important to you (e.g., work, family, education). If you don’t do the most important things, you will always feel frustrated and unfulfilled.

2. Don’t try to be superhuman.

Tolerate some imperfections and don’t try to be all things to all people. Avoid over promising, over scheduling, and over committing. Learn when, how, and why to say no. Most people can handle a maximum of four major commitments at any one time and do them well, such as family, work, education, and community service. Adding another major commitment leaves no room to deal with inevitable emergencies.

3. Share the load.

Delegate tasks. When you are overloaded, get others to help. It has major benefits: it develops other people, overall performance increases, and personal health improves.

4. Escape for a while.

Leave room for needed breaks; don’t always rush from place to place without time for a rest or pause. Changing your activity long enough to recover breath and balance is usually sufficient. Breaks can be small (e.g., the “coffee break”) or larger, such as a day of rest or an annual vacation.

5. Use a “decompression chamber” technique.

Learn to leave the pressures, conflicts, and frustrations of one part of your life behind you when you enter another part. Leave work at work and home life at home by structuring a decompression chamber into your daily life. This can be on your commute back and forth to work, or simply setting aside time between activities where you review past events, rehearse upcoming activities, and relax.

6. Talk with others.

Discussing things that bother you with a person you trust can relieve tension, add perspective, and help you figure out what to do. Some people find this very difficult to do, but the more isolated you become, the more desperate your situation may seem. Only 10% of the people you know probably care and want to help, so choose who you talk too carefully. Turning to an authority figure may or may not be the right thing to do, but family and friends, especially having a family meeting, can be a very effective coping technique.

7. Go easy with criticism.

Do not be too demanding or yourself, expecting perfection. You may have trouble feeling good about accomplishments if everything doesn’t turn out well, which results in lowered self-esteem and depression. If you expect others to be perfect, you will feel disappointed, angry, and frustrated when they fail to measure up. Go easy on criticism and typically take a live-and-let-live attitude.

8. Worry less and do more.

If you can solve a problem, do so, but don’t worry about what you cannot change, no matter how important it is…and definitely don’t worry about unimportant matters.

9. Enjoy the little things in life.

There are many small pleasures available to us. Happiness is generally found in these experiences rather than expecting big peaks of ecstasy.

10. Help another person.

Thinking about yourself is healthy, but self-absorption can lead to a loss of concern for the external world, especially the health and well-being of others. Related to this is strong personal commitment. Decide who and what is really important to you and take action that supports your values and goals and strengthens your relationships.

11. Handle hassles healthfully.

There are often predictable times when hassles tend to be high such as holidays, certain meetings, and family get-togethers. In dealing with these, be realistic and don’t expect every moment to be perfect. Keep things simple, and share the tasks. Ask yourself these questions: What is the worst that can happen, on a scale of 1-10? Who and what are important? How does this hassle affect them? Will you remember this hassle in a month?

12. Have a hobby.

Find an activity that is intrinsically satisfying to you (e.g., reading, gardening, church, volunteer work, or music). Consider what you enjoyed doing when you were young!

13. Accentuate the positive.

Do not close your eyes to the truth, but avoid negative thinking. A positive attitude helps you tolerate life’s ups and downs and it is contagious to others you are around. Reframe or change the way you interpret an event or situation; rather than seeing an upheaval, see an exciting adventure or challenge. Instead of saying “I’m too old”, say “I’m experienced and capable”.

14. Improve job proficiency.

In the workplace, developing technical skills, increasing practical experience, and learning better skills for communication, teamwork, and effective use of time are all very helpful in reducing stress. For management, improving leadership, delegation, and coaching skills help reduce job stress for you and your employees.

15. Trust in time.

Although time may not heal all wounds, it often helps. You may even be stronger for having experienced a painful or stressful time.